Basically Balanced

Gym Guilt

2010-09-17T08:24:00.000-07:00

When I walked in my house yesterday after spending too much time at Walmart, my sweet husband took my hand and asked me in his best sweetest way, "Can we do something together?" At first I thought, are we going on a date? Does he want to go for a walk after dinner instead of watching Jeopardy? (yes, we are old) Did he lose his job? Mind was racing...

My husband wants to go look at a gym, get a tour and possibly become members. I haven't done this since I was in my early 20's mainly because I was having a really hard time living with the self inflicted guilt of not using my membership. Oh I used it in the first two weeks, but after the newness wore off, not so much. Then paying what was then $20.00 per month seemed so pointless. Result - guilt.

Now here we are some 29 years later and he asks me if we can go take a look. I want to be supportive, but this now means closer to $60.00 per month and my first response is... Can I add this new level of guilt to the existing - we don't use our weight bench or hundreds of dollars of other exercise equipment laying all over our house - guilt? Can I add this to the guilt of not eating right, spending too much time on Facebook, not keeping up with my housework, not spending enough time with our parents, spending too much time at Target and Walmart, spending too much money on stuff I don't need... ? Have I mentioned that I was raised in a somewhat Catholic home???

But wait, he adds, his company will pay part of the membership fee. Really? Companies do that for their employees? Hmmmm... interesting. But still, it would definitely add to the budget. He had already been on the website and had a live chat with someone, perhaps he has already decided this is something he needs.

After going upstairs and having some time to think it through, I've decided to be supportive and go take a look. My fear: We come home with a lifetime membership for us and our family including our dog. In addition to that, how long will we go until it becomes another thing to feel guilty about?

Tour today...

Remote Control

2010-09-15T10:28:00.000-07:00

I wonder how I got here. Sitting in a banquet type room in St. George, Utah. There are about 250 people in the room. Some kids are performing and having a great time regardless of the fact that almost none of them have actual talent. Their joy makes their tone deaf singing almost tolerable. I have a thought.... they never serve beer or wine at these places. That makes sense since a lot of the kids are here for drug and alcohol addictions. Not the time or the place for that, okay. So I sip my water and think about the years leading up to being here.

Raising a child is never as easy as it seems. We all have notions of how we will be as parents, how our children will be and what our lives will look like. Then some years after we actually become parents, reality sets in and it rarely looks the way we hoped it would. This is especially true for me. I had visions of being super mom with an S on my undershirt and everything. I think my S stands for STRESS. My reality is far from the vision I had.

We started realizing we had more than a strong willed child when Kyle was about 4. When the terrible two's turned in to the throbbing three's and fatiguing fours. He was beyond difficult when he was bad, but also super sweet when he was good, which was usually when he was asleep.

His trouble in school snowballed and by 2nd grade he was in Special Education in the ED program. ED - emotionally disturbed. Very disturbing to have this label on your child who is the ripe old age of 7. Psychologists and psychiatrists became part of our normal. As well as almost daily phone calls from school. "Mrs. L, your son tried to run away from school today." This was the nature of most of these calls. After years of changing schools, programs to support him and our family and a mountain of trouble and conflict in our home, it was recommended he be placed in residential treatment when he was 15.

The first placement was 2 1/2 years ago. Leaving him there was by far the toughest day for us as parents. And we've had some really rough days. He was gone for 11 months. We went to visit him 9 times. Sometimes with extended family, sometimes just Greg and me. 9 trips to St. George... that's almost 7000 miles of driving. But well worth it to be able to support Kyle in his progress. After completing his program he came home, was placed back in a Special Ed program in high school.

After being home for about 5 months, we noticed him sliding down the slippery slope of regression. By the time he was home for 7 months he had all but stopped going to school and within what seemed like no time, we were once again discussing residential treatment.

By now we were numb to the pain of having him leave home again. We jumped through the appropriate hoops and on May 24th, 3 days after the 2 year anniversary of his original placement, we took him to a facility in Petaluma, CA. There were no tears this time. Only the hope that this would be a good fit. We were wrong. 6 weeks later, he tried to run away and eventually was moved to another treatment center in St. George. Across the street from his first facility.

He's been there for 2 months now. The roller coaster has gone up and down a few times in that 60 days. We just went to visit him for the first time. We had not seen him since June 20th. He was not allowed to leave campus for this visit, so there was much Monopoly playing, which was actually really fun. He is maturing on some levels, but still struggles on so many others. The goal of these visits is to reconnect and stay positive. Goal achieved!

That's how I ended up in that banquet room in a nutshell. The long story is novel length. Someday it is my goal to write that book. For now, my blog will suffice.

Is it easy to leave your child in another state knowing it will be at least a month before you get another hug from him? No. Is it convenient to juggle life at home and all of the practical things that need to be tended to in our absence? No. Do I worry? Yes. Am I hopeful? Depends on the day. Has this experience taught me anything? More than I could fit on the hard drive of this computer.

What is the most important lesson I've learned? My children are only mine for a short time. God made them all different. He has a plan for Kyle and for our family. I need to trust in that plan. I really have no control once my boys get to a certain age and slowly I need to let go of the ideas and plans I have for my children and let them take the reins of their lives. I need to trust I've instilled in them enough for them to make their own choices. I need to trust that God will hear my prayers for them.

The roll of MOM is ever changing. The dreams of raising a family go by in the blink of an eye. I will always be mom or step mom, but my participation in their lives will diminish as they mature. This is our job, right? To raise them up, learn and grow from the experience of parenting and have our own lives in the process of it all. But after years and years of caring for others, it's hard to let go of the control and let God do His work.

Endorphins and the Blue Girl

2010-09-15T09:18:00.000-07:00

Lately there is a wet blanket draped over my spirit. I could chalk this up to hormones, those dreadful organisms are powerful in affecting one's attitude. I don't know this from experience. I've only heard from friends how volatile a good hormone imbalance can be!! Really. Could be depression. Or maybe just depressed or as they used to say in the old days, 'blue.' That's it. I've been blue. Yes there have been moments of joy, but overall the mood lately has been blue.

Do we need an explanation or justification for feeling down? Seems I'm always trying to convince myself I have nothing to be depressed about. Clearly, I'm not starving to death, the evidence is in my ever shrinking wardrobe! I have a sweet husband who loves me. Even when I'm in my ugly, no make up, can't fit in my clothes, why was I ever born state of mind, he loves me. Really shouldn't be depressed over that, right? I have my health, my kids are all healthy (for the most part) and although they have issues that concern me, I'm not sure they justify being depressed. Might be a contributor. Worrying about my kids and our aging parents. But that's not really it.

Intellectually, I get it. I have nothing to be 'blue' about, but my heart isn't quite on board. It's not something I can put my finger on. It's just something that covers me with "eh." An overall unwillingness to give a hoot about anything that is going on around me. But I'm not a bellyacher, or don't want to be, so I try to pull myself out of the yuck. Then I give myself a good pep talk and ask God for help, that usually does the trick!

Which always brings me back to the same conclusion: Focus on others. Give more than you take. Eat good, healthy food (kind of sucking at that these days). Exercise. Pray. Be thankful for the blessings in my life!

About 11 years ago, I started exercising on a regular basis and my then 16 year old son said, "I think you are happier when you exercise." Big observation for a teenage boy. He was right and I'm glad he shared his insight with me. Yesterday I pulled out my running shoes (which I use for walking because running hurts and makes parts of me jiggle, the parts I wish didn't exist... much too embarrassing!) and hit the sidewalk. Day 2, and I think it's working. Those endorphins are real and they work probably better than medication for some. Hoping some good old endorphins will be my ticket out of 'blue' and back to a more joyful state of mind.

On the Road to Financial Peace, Take a Map!

2010-08-26T15:02:00.000-07:00

Time for an update on our quest to become debt free. In a word the news is: GOOD! We have made some serious progress. I went back and read my posts from the beginning. When I'm on a journey, I like to see where I am, where I've been and where I'm going. You can ask Greg. I love maps. A road trip is so much more fun for me with a map. If we don't have one in the car, I'm not so happy and you know what they say, "If mama ain't happy, ain't no one happy!!" Not proper grammar, but that's the saying.

So I looked back to the beginning when I wrote DEBT (September '09). Almost a year ago. Before we even knew about Dave Ramsey or Financial Peace University. The hole was large and deep and we felt trapped in the bottom with no way of getting out. There's no peace in the bottom of that hole!

Our awareness of the situation was definitely the first step and then as if God had His hand in it, our church offered the Financial Peace class. In the past 11 months, we have paid off 63% of our credit card debt. 63%!!! I think that is pretty amazing. No, we didn't refinance our house. No, we didn't try to borrow our way out of it. We made sacrifices and worked hard and sold stuff. The debt is gone and the stuff is gone - that's a win-win! The 37% that is left feels manageable and when that's gone (we think by next summer), we can work on the car payments and boat. The goal is to have only the house payment left asap. I'm not trying to pat myself on the back, but just want to share that having a plan works!

Our adult kids, Mike & Cortney are listening to Dave Ramsey's Cd's and Brian & Brittney are taking the class for themselves. It will benefit them greatly to have this information in their early stages of adulthood and marriage. I know this will make a great impact on their future and relieves stress and concern I have for them.

Another big decision we've made is to eventually move out of our house. Sell it and maybe even rent for a while. Somehow in the past 2 years we are left with 2 empty bedrooms and only one kid at home. Time to simplify. It will require a lot of work to get our house ready to be on the market, but it's something we're working toward for the very near future. I love my house, but after all, it's just a house and as long as we can have our family and friends over, it really doesn't matter where we live.

So, we know where we've been. We can look back and say, "Ewwwww, yuck!! Don't want to go there again!" We know where we are: making progress. In the process of our journey. But the road is smoother and the scenery is becoming more pleasing to our eyes. We know where we are headed: to a simpler life when it comes to our finances and our home. Looks like we're headed in the right direction. Good thing we brought our map.

"If you fail to plan, you plan to fail." Benjamin Franklin

13 and 14

2010-08-19T11:40:00.000-07:00

So, it's been a while..... Sometimes life leaves little time for blogging.

I should catch up. You know how that is, like most things, you're all motivated and pumped up when you start and then after some time, the excitement wears out and you fall behind. That's how I am with things that require consistency.... I'm not very consistent!!

When I was little I got a diary. I was going to be just like Marcia Brady! I was ready to write my most intimate thoughts in it. My secrets about the boys I liked and thought were cute. I think I was in 3rd or 4th grade. I started out on fire, but in my inability to be consistent, I would skip days. Also being OCD, I had to have every day filled in, so I'd go back to the days I missed and write, "plain day" and when my hand got tired, I'd write, "PD" until all the pages had writing on them, and start from that day again.

So many days are just that, PD. Not today.

August 19th, 2010 marks 2 major anniversaries. One, it has been 13 months since my dad passed away and two, my baby is 14 today.

Thirteen: Since I missed the one year mark, I thought I should close out my somewhat monthly update on the healing process of losing my sweet dad. The things I told my mom have held true. Passing the one year mark was a huge milestone for us. We have survived the first of everything without him. All the birthdays, holidays and times when we gathered with that giant empty space he used to fill. That empty space will always be there.

There are still moments that stop me in my tracks and I'm overcome with grief, but they are less frequent and less intense. My mom is doing well, but I know there will never be complete healing for her. Losing her husband isn't something she will ever fully recover from, there will always be sadness and a longing to have him back. Her strength, her reliance on God and sheer will have sustained her this 13 months. All three areas continue to grow and as a result she is flourishing in her new role as a widow. She has inspired the rest of us in her determination. If she's coping, we all must do the same.

Fourteen: My belief in God was solidified 14 years ago today, when I gave birth to our youngest son, Jason. There is no other explanation for the miracle of new life than God - period. After years of infertility which led to adopting Kyle, I was blessed with the gift of being able to go through pregnancy and having a biological child. The wonder and miraculousness hasn't worn off for me. I know women give birth every day, but I am eternally grateful for the privilege to be among that group.

I have 4 sons, 2 that came with the package of marrying Greg, 1 that came to us also by God, but through adoption and one that carries my DNA. I can look at him and see my skin color and many of my idiosyncrasies, some good, some not so good, but nonetheless he is part me. That goes beyond blessing.

He also carries the name of his Opa, Willem. My dad's first name, Jason's middle name. His initials are JWL, the same as Greg's dad. 14 years ago, we just thought it would be nice for him to carry that name. Now, 13 months after cancer took his Opa, and his Grandpa's health is struggling, naming him Jason Willem Lyskoski is symbolic of his heritage. It brings me joy to know his 2 grandfathers will live on in his name.

TEN and 50

2010-05-19T11:39:00.000-07:00

She sits in her mobile home in Yorba Linda, CA, in her new recliner. His is empty and even though she bought it after he passed away, it sits where his old chair sat and she calls it - his chair.

50 years ago, she was a 20 year old girl just a few weeks away from her wedding day. All she knew when she met him was that he was exactly what she needed. He made her feel safe and secure, feelings she hadn't had since she was a very young girl.

After enduring her parents' divorce and losing the only happy home she'd ever known. After, at age 14, her mother sent her and her 11 year old brother to a foreign country to live with strangers. After living in the bitter cold of the Netherlands, an extreme contrast to the tropical warmth of Indonesia. After living as wards of the state in a freezing attic and working in the home as a teenage girl. After all that, she met him. Willem Rudolf Schultz, Rudy to his friends and later in the USA, Bill. He rescued her from her tragically, sad life. Rescued her and loved her as she never thought she would be loved again. She is my mother, Norma, my hero.

They were married in 2 ceremonies, one on June 8, 1960 at a courthouse and one on June 25, 1960 in a Catholic church. She wore white and he wore a top hat. Their families came together and after the church service gathered at his mother's house for a reception and celebration of the new union. She was 20, he was 26. They planned to leave Holland and go to America to make a life for themselves. Which is just what they did. Arriving in the USA in July 1960 with $90.00, they flew to New York and took a train to Los Angeles. They came as refugees, legally, through a sponsorship with the Catholic church, took citizenship classes and became US citizens. They worked hard and life blossomed beautifully for them.

Today, she has all she needs, with the exception of her loving husband. Ten months ago, liver cancer won and took him home to live with his Savior. Again, she feels alone and insecure. She is brought back to that horrible time in her life, those 4 years between age 14 and 18. He is not here to rescue her, so she must find a new way to cope. Her faith in God has grown by leaps and bounds in 10 months. So once again, she is saved.

This is a daily struggle. The struggle to get out of bed and the fight to get out of the house. The struggle to not give in to the notion that she has nothing to live for. The struggle not to look at that empty recliner and wonder why he had to leave before they could celebrate their 50th anniversary. She fights the fight and some days she feels equipped, others are harder. On the hard days, the tears flow freely, which almost always leave her feeling cleansed.

June 8th will be hard and June 25th will be hard. Saying she will miss him is so understated. The feeling cannot be properly put into words. We talked yesterday of July 19th and how that day would be. I told her we will be able to say, "We survived the first of everything without him. Maybe it will be a little easier after the one year mark, maybe."

I don't always know what to say or how to help her dig out of the deep, dark places when she's beyond sad. At those times, I can only pray for her. There are too many things in this life that can't be explained and I don't even have the energy to try to figure them out.

50 years ago, a young woman was planning her wedding and her new life in America. The gratitude I have for her is beyond measure. I am here because of her and so much of who I am is because of her. I pray that I will live up to her standard and learn all I can from this remarkably strong woman. My mother, Norma, my hero.

Escape

2010-05-03T19:02:00.001-07:00

The first trip happened in 2007. This past weekend was the 4th annual trip for the group of friends. The destination is always the same, Lake Havasu City, Arizona. They are greatly anticipated and leave the friendships forever changed. There are new and deeper layers to the relationships and growth in the bonds between the women.

I don't know if everyone has friendships like the ones I have with this group of women. I met them 10 years ago in MOPS (Mothers Of Preschoolers). When we all moved on to being MOESAC (I can't even say that!! - Mothers Of Elementary School Age Children), we formed a new bible study type of group we called Friends in Faith, which is in it's 9th year. Today we are MOPATAGU (Mother Of Puberts and Teenagers and Grown Ups). One is even a grandma - that's me.

These are not women I see all the time, but after spending time together, I always feel better than I did before. They are true friends. The kind you can count on. The ones who show up at your door when life takes an unexpected turn. The "I've got your back, no matter what" type of friends.

There is the organizer. She's our leader and champion OCD poster child. Like a bulldozer, she is driven and can accomplish anything. All things are done 100%, not even 99% is good enough for her. She runs marathons in record time and will alphabetize your dvd's when you're not looking. So you can only imagine the type of friend she is.... yes, 100% dedicated and loyal.

There is the mentor. Just a few years ahead of us and wisdom beyond those few years. The maternal lover of our souls. She is thoughtful and is ever present in the form of cards in the mail, emails, text messages and phone calls. Being just ahead of us, she helps demonstrate that you never know where life will take you. Her faith is unwavering.

There is the quiet one. She is more of an observer, but when she speaks, it's either very profound or hysterically funny. Her creativity is evident in all she does. She gives beautiful handmade gifts and is not afraid to be herself around us. She has an eye for beauty and design. She is sweet to her core and the first to call in a time of crisis.

There is the blond. Not necessarily in a bad way, but nonetheless that is what she is. A beautiful blond bombshell. She can be scattered and forgetful, but we love her anyways. Her heart is huge and she has more kids than you can count. Her love for her children, step, adopted, and biological is all the same, deep and abiding. There is a youthful funniness to being with her.

There is the funny one. She makes us laugh with her stories and little comments. She will do anything, even send her housekeeper to your house if you need it. A warm, sweet, constant support for anything that comes. She too has wisdom beyond her years. The baby of the group, but this isn't evident. She is smart and will be the first to be painfully honest to keep you on track. She has reeled me in a few times, which at the time, was awkward, but I'm so thankful to have such an honest friend.

There is me. They say I'm the encourager, so I suppose I'll agree. It would be weird to write about myself, so that's all I'm gonna say.

We laugh until we cry and cry until we laugh. We can be whoever we are and still accepted and loved. We cook together and can talk for an hour about what kind of toilet paper is best. We spend 5 hours in the car and can't even play music because the conversation never ends. We're happy with a good chick flick and a coffee table filled with tabloids and cooking magazines. We love our 'uniforms' (pajamas) and could go to a Walmart Supercenter for vacation. We love $4.00 shirts and trying on every pair of flip-flops in a store. We love chocolate and coffee. We share our faith and the joys and trials of our marriages and kids. We are the type of friends they make movies about and write books about. Although we all have a wide variety of friends outside this circle who are precious to us, there is something extraordinary about this circle of friends.

I seriously can't imagine what my life would be without them. They have blessed me beyond comprehension. Thank you for sharing in our annual escapes of sweet girl time! Thank you my sweet Friends in Faith for being so amazing. I love you all!!

NINE

2010-04-28T10:36:00.000-07:00

As time goes by, I can feel the memories of my dad changing as if they are the color specs in a kaleidescope being toppled in all directions as the end gets turned. The colors change and move altering the image seen through the scope.

There are moments when I 100% forget that he is gone and I have to remind myself that we won't see each other this side of heaven again. Then there are days like last Sunday when my mom has a bad day and the tears just flow and all we can do is hug her. Those times the colors are dark and black, revealing little light. It consumes me with concern for her.

But, we have good days, when we rejoice in the fact that he is in heaven and wonder what it's like there. We talk about him and what a life force he was and there are many words that we say with his accent and there is laughter. Those days, the colors are bright, white, yellow, magenta. Eye piercing colors seen through bright light.

Most of the time, life gets in the way of feeling anything. It's just task after task and the collapse of exhaustion at the end of the day leaves little room or time for feeling. Writing about him once a month, is my way of feeling it and dealing with it. I guess it's how I make time for that part of my life. I'm thinking my mom has much more opportunity to feel it. My heart breaks for her. How do you recover from losing your spouse of almost 50 years? I don't think you do.

All I know is what I've said a thousand times in the past 9 months. My dad left a big hole in our lives and nothing or no one can fill that hole. We just have to learn how to live with that empty space. I never realized that the absence of a being could take up so much space. Kind of an oxymoron....

His birthday is May 5th. Next Wednesday. I am at a total loss as to what to do about it, but I feel like I should do something. It will be a hard day. My mom will need extra support.

Time marches on and life events continue. For our family, they all contain a gaping hole and a constant gnawing that whispers, "Something is missing."

Cash is King! Not really - but it works.

2010-04-06T11:18:00.001-07:00

Dave Ramsey and our grandparents were right. Paying cash for stuff actually works! Did you know stores take cash? Did you know you could save money ahead for stuff you want and pay cash for it?? Holy cow! I had no idea!! I lived in my little "Oh we can't afford to pay cash for anything and need to charge everything." bubble for far too long. Wah - wah - wah... what a bunch of hooey!!

The income went up and still we couldn't make ends meet. This is what happens when you have no plan for your money or when you think you have a plan, but it's not based on facts. It's based on wants. It's based on an inability to stop spending money on a bunch of stuff that doesn't matter. It's based on immediate gratification and not planning for the future. It's getting to the end of the month and asking yourself, "Where did all the money go?"

In one of the Financial Peace classes, they asked for volunteers to bring in their credit cards. Not to show how many they have, but to cut them up in front of the class. Yikes! We went through our wallets and found the cards we had hidden "just in case" we needed them. Visa, Mastercard, American Express, Dress Barn and Kohl's (those I think I could actually feel being cut up!), all were represented. Greg took them and in front of God and everyone, cut them into pieces. Boo-hoo. You would think, right? NO.... relief! They were gone and it would take some effort, not very much, but still a little effort to use those accounts again. Once they are paid off and I'm happy to say, all are except 2 - we are closing the accounts. Never to be seen or heard from again.

Then we changed banks. During that process went about 10 days with no credit cards and no debit card. We went even longer without checks. We pulled some cash out for groceries and gas. Gotta have those things. It was a very interesting 10 days. We are so accustomed to pulling out our debit card to pay for stuff. We had to use cash. I could pay bills online, so we stayed current. But we couldn't even go to an ATM and get cash - no debit card, right? We had to go into the bank, during the hours they were open.

Well, we're still here. Clearly, we survived without those things.

When the weather started to warm up, Jason (13) came to me and said, "None of my shorts fit." I knew this was coming since he's grown about 6 inches in the past 6 months. Guess what? I had been saving the money from cutting hair. Yep - in an envelope, just like grandma! I pulled out $100.00. Seemed like a good amount to get him a few things. He is, after all, 13 and you can't just wear anything. Your clothes have to have 'words' on them like Hurley, Quiksilver, Element, etc... He wanted to to go Active where you the average price for a pair of shorts is $50.00. I said - no - we're going to Ross. He followed me, but only because I had the money and I was driving!

There we were - and within 20 minutes, he had 4 shirts and 4 pairs of shorts (all bearing the acceptable 'words'). He went into the dressing room and came out saying, "I like it all." Out comes the calculator - mom punches in the numbers and says, "We are $8.00 over. You have to put one thing back." I think I heard thunder at that moment! I have never done that with my kids. Because I had available credit! The look on his face said it all. What is this and what happened to my mom?? And more importantly, where are her magic credit cards?? You know at this point Jason is thinking, I hate Dave Ramsey!! He surveys his stack and begrudgingly puts one shirt back.

At the cash register, his selections are wrung up - beep - beep - beep... and the total is - less than I thought. Some items had extra discounts, making the prices lower. I look at my boy and say, "Go get that shirt!!" He runs - yes runs - as if on a game show and gets the shirt. The patient Ross employee rings us up. "That'll be $93.45." I hand him the hundred bucks and I get change! 4 shirts, 4 pairs of shorts all acceptable to be worn to middle school without feeling mortified. Victory!! I felt like Rocky at the end of his run - leaping up the steps to that government building, jumping up and down with my fists in the air! I could even hear the song....

Debt down significantly, savings up significantly. More stuff to sell and more stuff to pay off, but it's working. It's really working. We're working on it. The peace is on it's way and we have a ticket for it! There is balance where there once was instability.

Maybe I should go work for Dave Ramsey. I have told more people how this class was an answer to prayer and how it has changed the way we look at and handle our finances - for the rest of our lives. I am so thankful our church offered it, that we saw it in the bulletin and signed up for it. But I know that it's not an accident. It's part of a bigger plan for our lives. A plan designed by God for us to be faithful stewards with all He has given us. Not an accident, a huge blessing!

Have Perm Rods - Will Travel

2010-04-01T09:07:00.001-07:00

In an effort to boost our income, I've decided to dust off my hydraulic chair and go back into the business building a clientèle of hairs in need of cutting and styling. This is by far a much better choice for me than going out and getting a job and handing over my precious time for an hourly wage. The truth is I love being a hairstylist. It's the perfect blend of creativity and social interaction for me.

My daughter in law Brittney works as a tutor for elementary kids. One of the houses where she tutors is also a care facility for seniors. A few weeks ago, she called me and asked if I would go there and work on some of the ladies' hair. This would be easier for the woman who runs the facility, since she wouldn't have to take the women to a salon to get their hair done. I said yes, I'd be happy to.

I went there last week for the first time. I'm not sure what I expected, but didn't really give much thought to the experience of working on the elderly. The woman working at the facility wheeled out my first client, in a wheelchair. She was at least 90 - no teeth - and could not hold her head up. I thought to myself, 'Really? We have to do her hair? Why?' I introduced myself to her and told her I was going to cut her hair. In a barely audible voice she said with great difficulty, "Don't cut it too short. Leave the top long. Make me pretty."

Gulp.

That's why. Because no matter how old and feeble she is, she still cares about her hair. She actually got nauseas from sitting up for the 15 minutes it took me to cut her hair. I didn't dry it or style it because she needed to lay down again. But the woman working there and I went on and on about how beautiful she looked and she smiled a big toothless smile. I thanked her and told her I would be praying for her. She thanked me and apologized for getting sick. Precious.

The next client came out in a wheelchair too, but was able to sit up. There was a mis-communication between the owner and I and I started to put perm rods in her hair. While I was rolling her perm another woman came in with her son. She said, "I'm sorry, I can't get a perm today. I had my eyes dilated and I'm just too tired." Uh-oh.... I leaned down and asked client #2, "Did you want a perm today?" "No," came out pretty quick. So I proceeded to remove the perm rods and cut and styled her hair. Again, we went on and on about how pretty she looked. She was not communicative at all, but she patted my hand when I thanked her. Afterward, she sat in the living room to watch TV with some of the others. I think she wanted everyone to see her new do.

Today, I'm heading back do the perm we didn't get to do last week. I sat with client #3 and chatted before I left last week. She's very communicative.... very. It will be nice to see her today.

I said 'yes' to going there to work. Thinking I would make some extra money, but what I got was so much more. A new perspective on life, on aging, on vanity, on mortality, on giving more than a new hairdo.

I once let someone I thought was a friend let me believe that cutting hair was a sub-par profession. Since I didn't go to college, it couldn't possibly be something that was socially redeeming or benefit humanity in any way. I was foolish to let that person make me feel inadequate about my career choice.

The truth is this; I am a licensed barber. Yes a barber and I am a hairstylist with almost 30 years experience. I'm not the best hairdresser in the world, but I'm not too bad either. There was a time, 20 years ago, when I had clients who would have followed me anywhere within reason to have me do their hair. But more than that, I formed relationships with my clients and some turned into friendships. It's about the person, not the hair. Leaving with your hair looking good is a by product of what I do. It's like a switch gets turned when people get their hair done. They feel better leaving than when they sit down. How can that be bad?

I just put the word out a few weeks ago and already, my appointment book is filling up. I feel like Kevin Costner in Field of Dreams - If you build it, they will come. God is good. He provides.

EIGHT

2010-03-18T09:41:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow will be 8. Eight months since July 19th. Tomorrow I will be in Huntington Beach with my friend Lynn and her family attending her dad's funeral. Lee and Barbara Bellot were like my other parents when I was in high school and the years that followed graduation. My parents were friends with them.

Barbara and my mom were the moms who went to all of our color guard performances in high school. Equipped with shoe polish, hairspray, bobbie pins, water bottles, safety pins, etc.... They walked every parade with us and came to the rescue of many high school girls with blisters on their feet and low blood sugar. In the summer, they drove to Santa Barbara to watch us perform at camp and one time, when Lynn's suitcase didn't make it off the train, the two of them went shopping to replace the contents of her suitcase. They were 2 of the best "flag-moms" ever!

There is a gratefulness that comes with being 8 months ahead of Lynn, but it's fresh enough in my memory, to put myself in her place. My mom and I decided we needed to be there for our friends like so many were there for us last summer. By the way, I have been reminded of how many came along side of us, and continue to be so grateful for that help. Now it's our turn. It has been a blessing to help them.

It's not fair that in the midst of such pain and sorrow, you must plan an event of such magnitude. Generally there is only a guesstimate of how many will attend and the focus is to honor the life of your loved one. I'm sure there are services available for people who have tons of money, but for us plain folk... it's up to us. And then after the services are over, after the cards stop coming in the mail and the phone quiets down, you realize what happened.

My mom says God gives us anesthetic in the beginning and it wears off slowly. I have to agree with her and that anesthetic is what saves us in those first few weeks. I'm praying tomorrow will bless their family and honor Lee. This is one of those times when 'praying continually' is all you can do.

People told me, "It takes time to heal." Yes, it does. My mom drove around with a bag of clothes for the cleaners for over 7 months. His shirts, that he wore and still smelled like his cologne. She had a hard time taking them and cried with the lady at the cleaners, who by the way, loved my dad. She picked them up yesterday and hung them in his closet. For most, a simple, mundane task. For her, not so simple. The last time she'll clean his clothes and soon, those too will be gone. My mom is one tough cookie. She muscles through the tough stuff, knowing there is healing on the other side.

One - step - at - a - time. Time passes and life goes on. It is different, but not bad. There are still many things to be grateful for and soon the different becomes the new normal. With the new normal comes the gradual healing of the wound deep in the soul.

Finacial Peace Update - Week 8

2010-03-09T14:18:00.000-08:00

We really are an impatient species, aren't we? Immediate gratification is what it's all about. Why do I expect to pay off debt that took years to create, in a matter of weeks?? Not gonna happen! Not only are we learning to budget and dig ourselves out of this hole, we are learning the fine character trait of patience - which I have heard - is a virtue! And yet, the progress in this short 7 weeks is astounding.

Here's a breakdown:
--The food budget for February: My goal was $600.00 for everything. At the end of the month, my groceries totaled $606.63 and we spent about $50.00 eating out. That is a bit over, but I'm still happy with it. This includes having house guests at the beginning of the month (who were very helpful in contributing to meals during their stay!) and hosting a birthday celebration for Kyle. I'm thankful for a family who is happy to have cereal and toast for dinner and for a husband who is willing to eat leftovers, even though it's not his first choice. For them to be willing to sacrifice for the sake of the budget is so encouraging.

--We paid off 20% of our credit card debt. I would give actual figures, but I don't want to send my 7 followers into the ER... and truthfully, it's just too humiliating! After we our tax refund gets here, we will pay off another 20%. That is going to be a huge relief!

--Kyle just had his birthday and he got money from his grandparents. Usually, he would go out and spend all of it. This year, he's decided to put some of it in his savings account and spend the other part. This, without a doubt, is a direct result of what he is seeing us do and it's a BIG step for him.

It's liberating to go through stuff and get rid of it. It's liberating to pay off debt and add to the emergency fund. But most of all, I feel, for the first time, that we are being better stewards with all we have been given. I've had a gnawing in my gut for a long time over finances and choices we were making. That gnawing is being replaced by the comfort of having a plan and a commitment to living within our means. There is security in a plan. I guess that's why Dave Ramsey calls it Financial Peace.

SEVEN

2010-03-05T08:58:00.000-08:00

Life is just too busy. Filled with wonderful things, but nonetheless, way too busy. It has actually been 7 -1/2 months since my sweet dad left us, but for this first year, I feel the need to some how pay homage to him at least once a month.

The days or times I think are going to be hard, almost always end up being okay, but there are other times when I am hit with the reality of my loss. This happened on Valentine's Day. Weird, I know. This is not a day for fathers and daughters, it's a day for romantic love (I know, I know all created by Hallmark to sell cards, blah, blah, blah). But, every year on February 14th, my phone would ring and when I answered I would hear my dad's very deep voice singing, "My Funny Valentine." I never realized how much I loved getting that phone call until it didn't come. There was a pit in my stomach all day and every time I looked at the phone, it was as if it was saying, "He's not going to call today. Stop looking at me!!"

It hits when I least expect it, but I am thankful it does. It needs to stop me in my busyness and remind me of reality. Remind me to check on my mom. Remind me to remember how my dad influenced my life and the lives of those who knew him.

Valentine's Day will never be the same for me. Now it will just be a day that I don't want to answer the phone, because I know it's not the call I'm waiting for.

Food Budget

2010-02-18T10:33:00.000-08:00

I did cut our food budget, but it was OUT OF CONTROL before. Here's a bit of history.... Sorry, it's long.

Okay... so when I looked at last year on Quicken, we averaged $850.00 a month for groceries and about $300.00 - $500.00 a month eating out. Crazy, I know. It's the average. So that's 1350, right? Part of that is also the fact that if we go to dinner with all the kids/grandkids, the meal runs at least $150.00, even at Chili's. So that's OVER. No more. If they want to go to dinner, everyone is paying for their own meals. Period.

For February, my goal was $600.00 total. I had gone to Costco at the end of January, so I stocked up on meat and a few frozen items, which I knew would help me with my February budget. Maybe that's cheating a bit, but eventually, I'll have to factor that stuff in, as we need to replace it.

So far, I have spent $288.00 on groceries and we haven't eaten out at all.

When I make my grocery list (which is on the refrigerator, so I write stuff down as we run out and we need it), I then log on to couponmom.com to look for coupons for the stuff on my list. I usually find at least 1/2 of the items have coupons. You can print them at home. It's so easy!

I make a meal plan for dinners and check to see what ingredients I have and what I need.

I only buy what is on the list. This is not easy!!!

Kyle can drink a 1/2 gallon of orange juice in a day. I used to get a gallon every week and then I'd run to the store and pick up more if we ran out. Not anymore. OJ, milk, etc... if we run out, we have something else. Maybe even water. It's amazing how resourceful we can be if we have to find something in our house to eat, not go buy it. Kind of makes you look at all those cans in the back of the pantry and the stuff in the corners of the freezer and use it - as long as it didn't expire in 2006. :)

I go to the market once a week. That's all. This week, I have $60.00 left in checking. Before I would go to the store, make a transfer from savings and get what ever I want. Today... I will go get milk, because we're out, but I'll use cash and that's all I'll get. Greg gets paid tomorrow and I can do my weekly shopping then.

We eat a lot of pasta, rice and I add smaller amounts of meat, which is probably better for us and costs a lot less. Because ready-made processed stuff is so expensive and not good for us, I make a lot of meals from scratch. If I'm going to the trouble to do that, then I make A LOT and freeze left overs. Then you have your own ready made meals for a fraction of the cost. This is so handy for busy days when you don't have time to cook. Those used to be "Hey... let's go out to eat days." Not anymore! Now, I microwave something frozen.

I freeze a lot of leftovers and use them later. My freezer is my best friend. We have a big freezer in the garage. Worth every penny!

I'm trying to get creative with leftovers so we don't feel like we're eating the same thing. So I made this Mexican Crock Pot Pork stuff. It makes a lot and we have leftovers. The next day, I add 2 cans of chicken broth and a can of refried beans and for about $3.00, I've made a great Mexican soup. So just stuff like that.

I make steel cut oats in bulk $1.79 per pound at Henry's. I can make about 3 weeks worth of oatmeal for about $5.00. Greg and I eat that almost every morning. I freeze individual containers and thaw them out over night.

I made the boys home made hot pockets for breakfast with crescent roll dough and scrambled eggs, sausage and cheese. I made 16 for about a quarter of the price of buying them at the store.

Two teenagers can eat us out of house and home. I am a stickler for nutrition most of the time, but with the boys (13 and 16), some times, they just need calories! So the opposite for Greg and I. Top Ramen is about 25 cents a pack. They love it and will eat it for lunch or a snack after school. They even eat it dry... ewwwwww.

After 20 years of raising a family, I've learned that buying fresh vegetables is not cost effective. I usually end up throwing most of it away. Frozen veggies are inexpensive and just as nutritious as fresh. I get lettuce and celery for snacks, but that's usually it.

Trader Joe's has great prices on so many items I get weekly... OJ, milk, bread, etc.... They don't take coupons, but their prices are so much lower you don't need them. They also, generally carry more nutritious food. I love their bread and they have frozen asparagus that is so much less expensive than buying it in cans.

It all takes time and planning, but if I can save hundreds of dollars a month, it's worth the work.

Financial Peace - in Pieces

2010-02-18T08:20:00.001-08:00

Apparently, I have been really busy. Too busy to blog. So here goes a quick catch up... (not to be confused with ketchup!) :)

I think I mentioned some time in the past that Greg is taking a Financial Peace University class at our church. It's a Dave Ramsey program, 13 weeks long. Well, let me tell you... I feel like I'm in college! This is deep, real, hard work and potentially life changing.

Going into it, we discussed our current financial status (not good - as you know) and decided to jump in with both feet. Not try to modify Dave's program to fit our life, but adjust our lives to change how we handle our money. This, of course, is much easier said than done. Dave is an extreme guy, but he's an extremely wealthy extreme guy and so I think it will pay off to pay attention to what he says. Who knows, maybe this nationally syndicated radio personality with guest spots on Good Morning America, Fox News and countless other TV shows might actually have an inkling as to how to go about getting out of debt, building wealth and living a financially stress free life... just maybe.

Greg goes to the class, where they watch videos of Dave lecturing (in a very entertaining, yet persuasive and 'makes you think' manner) and then the class breaks into small groups to discuss how the program is working or not working for everyone. When it started there were about 150 people in the class. One week they tallied up the approximate total of credit card debt for the 150 people represented in the class. You want to guess?? 2.8 million dollars!!! Wow, did that make me feel better. We are not alone in our predicament, and yet how scary is it to know this fact? Really? 2.8 million for a sampling of 150 (or less because there are couples in the class) average Orange County families??

This is week #6, I think, and last night Greg said there were about 40 people in the class. When the going gets tough - and let me say, this is not a stroll in the park - many have quit. But Greg and I are committed! And we are on a roll. Our first objective is to pay off credit card debt. And guess what? We have a PLAN. I know!! A plan, a map, a goal of a final destination and a way to get there. Of course, on such a journey, you must have a place to start. We know where we are and what we have to work with. It's liberating and has already relieved so much stress to be in control of our money. Not have it be in control of us.

Here are some highlights of our progress: 1- We have sold our truck and by Friday will have added significantly to our savings and to paying off debt. 2- Yesterday we went through our old jewelry and sold a bunch of stuff we haven't looked at or used in 10 or more years. Got $600.00. Going to the bank today to deposit it and then send it directly to a credit card company. 3- I have cut our food budget by about 60%. 4- We have a budget and every penny earned is spoken for, even a fund for Christmas and birthdays. I actually sat down with my calendar and made a list of every birthday, anniversary, etc... throughout the year. Gave each gift a dollar limit. Now I know... it's 'fill in the blank's' birthday, I can spend X amount of dollars. Period.

We are excited to teach our kids about what we are learning. Hopefully, they will heed at least part of what we say and make changes that can benefit them in huge ways! Although, they probably won't like all of it. We might say things that they don't want to hear. But I feel like we would be doing them a disservice by NOT passing this along to them.

When I first started this blog, it was to document our progress in a quest of discovering the difference in needs and wants. I want to pay off our debt and I need to know we have funds for emergencies in the bank. Our quest has morphed into something even bigger and more life changing. I think my OCD tendencies come in handy for times like this. I am consumed with finding ways to make more money and pay stuff off. I look forward to the day, when Greg and I high five each other and say, "WE DID IT!!" The debt will be gone, we can re-work our budget to start tackling bigger items, like our houses and retirement.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not on a quest to be rich. I just want to live within our means. I want that peace Dave talks about. I want to balance my budget and stay on track. Piece by piece, we will chip away and dig ourselves out of this hole. By hard work, cutting back and careful planning, I can see the light. It's the size of a pinhead, but I can see it and it's beautiful.

SIX

2010-01-27T08:42:00.000-08:00

Somehow in the craziness of life, I missed the 6 month anniversary of losing my dad. So, it's a bit late, something I inherited from my dad. He was chronically tardy and I have battled the clock my whole life. This isn't good since I married someone who is consumed with being on time. A sore subject in our marriage to be sure!

When my dad retired, his natural body clock kept him awake until 2 or 3 in the morning and sleeping until 10 or 11. This drove my mom crazy! There were days, when he first retired, that I felt compelled to take my mom out, just to save my dad's life! They really went through an adjustment phase that lasted about a year. She would call me and tell me all the things he was doing that were so annoying and then he would get me aside and tell me how nervous and angry she was all the time! It was quite amusing from my perspective, only because I knew they would work through it and come out liking each other again.

You see, my dad was a workaholic throughout their entire marriage. He was the hardest worker and did what ever he had to do to provide for his family. At times, he worked 2 jobs so that my mom could stay home with us. So my mom became quite independent, especially as we grew up and needed her less. She went to college when I was in high school and worked in various jobs after I graduated. Since this was their 'normal' for 40 something years, the idea of being together 24/7 was a shock to both of them. My dad had no purpose and my mom had no alone time, hence the year of hellish adjustment!

My dad was a dilly-dallier, the technical term for someone who takes 3 times longer to perform a given task than the non-dilly-dallier. I too am a dilly-dallier and my son Jason has inherited this quality from me. So my dad's inability to do anything quickly will live on in me and Jason. His dilly-dallying caused added stress in my parents' marriage since my mom is more efficient in doing things.

They eventually learned to balance their lives out with him there all the time. My dad started building a storage shed behind their mobile home. By himself, my 74 year old dad, tore down the old shed and from scratch built a new one. This gave him a purpose and got him out of her hair... those are his words, not mine. He knew that in order to stay married, he needed to get out of her house for a number of hours a day. The shed building did just that.

He worked on that shed through the heat of summer and cold of winter and up until 2 weeks before he died. I think he knew he had to get it done. On some level, he knew he was very, very sick. My dad was a steel construction draftsman and that shed is one sturdy structure. He even made rain gutters for it. When I think of how badly he must have been feeling, it's a miracle it's even standing. In the mean time, my mom got to have her time alone, with the security of knowing he was just outside working on the shed. She did worry that he was working so hard and she could see the toll it was taking on him physically. Not knowing he was riddled with cancer, just thinking - he's 75 and still out there working for 8 to 10 hours a day. Of course he's exhausted! But she could go to their bedroom window and check on him throughout the day. She'd bring him water and make him lunch and snacks. It became their new 'normal.'

What I know now is this: My mom is so much stronger because of her independence. The crushing reality of living alone after being married for almost 50 years, could have been an adjustment she might not have been able to make. But she knows how to keep herself busy and likes being on her own. Their life together prepared her for this moment in time. But even now there are times when she hears a noise outside and goes to the bedroom window to check on him. Only to find a carport, her car, and a very sturdy shed with rain gutters... but that's all.

Bushed - Brian - Budget - Bipolar disorder

2010-01-25T10:24:00.000-08:00

Wow....

Bushed -- Life has been spinning out of control and I'm in dire need of some down time. Don't get me wrong... my days and most nights have been filled with some really fun and important relating with loved ones. But this last weekend consisted of driving to Havasu, cleaning every square inch of our 1300 square foot home, driving back, sleeping for a few hours, going go to church, cutting hair and having dinner with some of my dearest friends. To be honest, I'm feeling extremely pooped! Yes, that is a technical term.

Maybe I just have to be thankful for moments of down time, for now. This week looks a bit better. For instance, I have time to sit here and write on my beloved blog. You know I'm busy, when there are no new posts. Besides walking, this is the best free therapy available to me and 11 days is a long time to go without it.

Brian -- Today is Brian's birthday. He is 23. I have been his step mom since he was 2. Yep, 20+ years of raising this sweet gift from God. Having him as one of my kids has brought me years of great joy. Once, in a Christmas letter, I wrote - (and I think he was a teenager so this is truly amazing!!), "Brian is the type of kid who makes you think you are a really good parent, when in reality, he is the one who is so good." Yes, we've had moments of "ugh" with him, but he has truly been so easy to raise. Even though he's married and not living at home anymore, he still reveres his parents (all 6 of us) and is willing to listen, learn and grow. He has a thirst for knowledge, a love of culture, a hope in God and an amazing sense of humor. Thank you for blessing my life My Dear Sweet Brian I Love So Much Because You Are Handsome Like A Prince. ooxx

Budget -- Greg is in week 3 of a class our church is offering called Financial Peace with Dave Ramsey. We listened to the first 3 weeks of CD's on the way to Arizona. I am confident and hopeful this will help us in our quest of getting our finances in order. The class is 13 weeks, so we're just getting started. It is without a doubt an answer to prayer.

Bipolar Disorder -- Raising a child with a mood disorder has taught me more about myself and my faith than I ever expected to know. For those who have never actually experienced living with someone who struggles with emotional issues, the toll it takes on the entire family is hard to describe. Yet, I know there are many, many families affected by similar struggles. My previous post "The Unexpected Expectation" was my first attempt at writing the story of life with our bipolar son. I haven't quite figured out if I'm going to write it on my blog or not. Still trying to figure it out. I've also decided it's too weird to write about us in the third person, so I'm going to change the names. That way, if I need to take creative license, I can and it won't be lying about our story. But the majority of it will be our experiences for the past 17 years.

In high school youth group yesterday (I know - I'm not in high school anymore, but I'm in there with my senior girls!) our leader Mandi talked about our gifts and passions and how God gave us these things for a reason. I have a passion for writing and it only gets more intense as time goes on. I'm gonna go with it and give it a whirl. What's the worst that can happen? I write a bunch of stuff and get free therapy... works for me!

All "B" things today. Hey... BOOK starts with B too!

The Unexpected Expectation

2010-01-14T09:01:00.000-08:00

The first thing she did was turn on the air conditioner. It was hot in the house and they had been at work all day. August in Southern California is hot, and she was so thankful to have the air going. She had just come home from work and saw 2 messages on her answering machine, but before she could hit the play button, the phone rang. It was her friend, Lynn. They had known each other since middle school and although their friendship had issues over the years, she considered Lynn a dear friend.

"Hi Carol! I'm calling to tell you some news." Carol already knew what the news would be.... she was 31 and almost always if a friend said, "I have news..." it was usually the news that they were pregnant. Lately, it seemed there was an epidemic of this condition or maybe it was just the stage of life they were all in. The stage of having babies. Carol listened as Lynn went on to say that she was, indeed pregnant with her second child. On the inside, her heart broke, but she didn't let on to her friend. "Wow, that's so great! Congratulations!!" And the conversation went on with the details of her due date and how close her kids would be in age.... on and on... and Carol patiently listened and continued with her stiff upper lip.

The conversation ended and she remembered the answering machine. She hit the play button - "Hi guys, it's DeeAnn, I just wanted to let you know that Alison is going to have a brother or sister in April!! We are so excited and wanted to share our news with you! Hope you guys are doing well. Talk to you soon, I have more calls to make!!" With the two she had just learned of, she knew at least 10 women who were pregnant.

Ugh.... 2 in one day. That was a first. The stiff upper lip lost it's firmness and she sat on the couch and her heart broke right along with the dam holding back the flood of tears. It had been 2 years and still nothing. Nothing, but 3 infertility surgeries and way too many months of being late and thinking... is this it? Only to be crushed with the reality that it wasn't. At 31, her clock was ticking and she felt her dreams of being a mom slipping away.

Although being a step mom to Greg's 2 boys was more fun than she could imagine, she still had a deep longing to have a child she could start with from the beginning. Mike was 9 and Brian was 5 and they brought unfulfilled joy to her life. She loved them as much as she thought she would love any child, but still felt there was something or someone missing from her life.

At that moment, Greg walked in and he knew it would be a rough night. Not unlike many other nights and days they had spent crying and wondering if they would ever add another child to their family. He went and sat with his wife. His words of encouragement were just what she needed. They talked about the adoption process they were in the middle of and the hope of some day soon hearing from a birth mother or from their attorney. They had made the decision to adopt in May and were well on their way in the process of a private adoption with one of the top adoption attorneys in Orange County.

August 1992 - this is where the story begins.

Bills

2010-01-12T09:30:00.000-08:00

That word makes me cringe, bills. Take off the 's' and it doesn't. I know a lot of nice guys named Bill... my dad, Brittney's dad.... etc. But add the 's' and ewwwwwwww... not fun. Just the mention of it around any group of responsible adults and someone lets out a great, big, ugh!

There I was, way back in the autumn of 2009, talking about our 'situation.' Trying to discern the difference between needs and wants. Well I'm sad to share, I fell off the wagon in December. It was like putting an alcoholic in a bar.... me, in the stores, doing Christmas shopping. I was being pulled into the women's department - looking at clothes I didn't need, but somehow wanted so bad! Don't even get me started on the magnetic pull of the shoe department! It was a force beyond my control. There I was trying on shoes and boots and sweaters and jewelry and slippers and pajamas and socks... I love socks! My new fascination is the scarf, mostly for it's ability to hide almost all of me from the neck to the waist.... oooooooo, that's good. Kohl's, Target, Walmart, even CVS for heaven's sake! I was a shopping fool - perhaps even a shopaholic on a binge.

And the cherry on top of it all... I used my credit cards. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! I've been dreading writing those words. There. Did it. I didn't charge a lot, but in order to get through December and Christmas, I used my credit cards. With the notion we'd pay off those bills with funds coming our way in the next couple of months. But still... the balance went up on more than one card. It didn't seem so bad when I was in the store using them, but now... I'm not so happy when going to my mail box. Bills, bills and more bills.

So there is my confession, for all to see. All 6 of you. Please forgive me for I have sinned. But as with all sins, there is forgiveness and an opportunity to start fresh. New year... clean slate - or maybe dirty slate with rose colored glasses. Either way, we're on our way to the great "Do Over." We started this journey a few months ago, but I feel like we're really going to hit our stride now. Maybe benefit from some sweet endorphins kicking in.

There must be something good to report.... Greg is starting a class at church called Financial Peace. A Dave Ramsey program on finances. I'm super excited he's taking it for a variety of reasons, most of all, the impact it will have on our financial situation and how it pertains to God's word. I would take it with him, but I'm in the high school room spending time with my favorite 'puberts,' my senior girls. More good news is that we are expecting extra funds in the next few months that will greatly help balance out our debits and credits.

By Spring, I feel there will be real progress to report. I'm hoping and praying for a more balanced budget and to go to the mailbox with a spring in my step, knowing I will find the usual junk mail and the absence of a few bills.

Fit

2010-01-06T09:22:00.000-08:00

Here we are. January 6th. It's pretty easy to be on a diet in January, isn't it? Everyone is thinking healthy. TV commercials, stuff online, the radio... everyone's working off the holiday weight. I think it's funny that we don't hear these things so much in November and December.

Almost 5 years ago (in May it will be 5 years), I joined Weight Watchers for the first time in my life. I had hit an all time high weight wise, with the exception of being 9 months pregnant. I attended meetings for over 2 years and I lost a lot of the unwanted pounds, but hit a plateau just 2 pounds over my goal and never got to my goal. 2 pounds... it was right there. I could reach out and touch it, but never got there. Sometimes, I think being within 2 pounds is good enough. I felt great and I was about as fit as I've ever been and I learned A LOT. That is success, but I felt discouraged and unsuccessful over 2 pounds. Sad.

Since that time, I've successfully gained and lost the same 10 or so pounds every year. I see a pattern now. I know what clothes I can wear December - January and then by February, I have a little breathing room in my pants and my wardrobe shifts again. Just hang me on the end of a string folks! I'm a yo-yo.

But this holiday season, I added an additional 5 pounds and I am a discouraged and disappointed in myself. Why is it so easy to gain it and so intimidating to lose it? All those cookies and chocolate and bread and butter were sooooooo tasty. But I ate them, no one forced me at gunpoint. I did it. I'm just shy of that all time high. No denying it... I've eaten myself practically out of the clothes in my closet! Nothing fits the way it should and I refuse to buy anything bigger. Not good for my esteem or my budget!

Plus, I feel crappy. My feet hurt, I'm tired and fighting being depressed constantly. Makes me think of that saying, garbage in, garbage out. I learned it about data entry during my years of working in an office, but it applies to what we put in our bodies too. Eating junk makes you feel like junk.

So here I go again... on the endless quest for a health and fitness and room to breath in my clothes. I'm trying to figure out a way to achieve this in a way that works for life. Since I've been dieting, which started in 3rd grade - no lie, I've had success and failure over and over again. But what would work for me - forever?

Here's what I know works:

1- Exercise 4-5 days per week. Walk, run, jump on my bed. What ever it takes to make me break into a good, steady stream of sweat running down my entire head. Who knew a head had so many sweat glands? I'm thinking maybe some of mine were put in the wrong place. Also, I need to do some weight training so I build muscle because according to Dr. Oz (and you know he knows everything!), if you build muscle you will burn fat even when you aren't exercising. Cardio is good, but you only burn fat while you are actually doing it. I need to do both.

2- Avoid processed foods. I try to think of things the way God made them and what we've done to them. If I stick closer to eating them the way God made them, I'll feel better. Hey... maybe He knew what to make to feed us and fuel us? Just a guess. ;)

3- Eat every 2 to 3 hours so I don't get too hungry and devour everything I can get my hands on all afternoon. 3 meals, 3 snacks works for me.

4- Patience. It took me 6 months to gain 15 pounds. Still, I expect to lose it in a week. Hmmmmm, something tells me it will take longer. Maybe even longer than 6 months. God's gonna have to help me with this one.

So a combination of every diet plan (and besides Nutri-System, I've tried them ALL!), and learning from past experience needs to be part of my solution. I need to draw from every book, every recipe, every bad habit avoided, every WW meeting, every conversation I've had with friends (nice to know I'm not alone).

The goal is not only the number on the scale or in my jeans. I want to be fit and I want my clothes to fit. Gotta go... treadmill calling. Happy sweating people!

Resolutions

2010-01-02T11:22:00.000-08:00

Resolution:
I looked it up in my trusty thesaurus...
noun
1- intention, resolve, decision, intent, aim, plan; commitment, pledge, promise.
2- proposal, proposition, resolve.
3- determination, purpose, purposefulness, resolve, resoluteness, single-mindedness, firmness, firmness of purpose; steadfastness, staunchness, perseverance, persistence, indefatigability, tenacity, tenaciousness, staying power, dedication, commitment; stubbornness, doggedness, obstinacy, obduracy; boldness, spiritedness, braveness, bravery, courage, pluck, grit, courageousness; informal guts, spunk; formal pertinacity. See note at courage .
4- solution to, answer to, end to, ending to, settlement of, conclusion to.

We hear it a lot at the beginning of January. But, how long do our resolutions last? Are we really all those things in the definition? I've been thinking a lot about the beginning of 2010 and my New Year's resolutions. The list is long and humbling.

Some issues are external; The usual weight loss is always at the top, but this year it's 20 pounds, not 10. I thoroughly comforted myself with food, not only during the holidays, but for the months leading up to the holidays. So, the list begins with my weight and more importantly, my health. Move more, eat healthy. Maybe this year, I'll get it. Next, I would like to be more organized and stay on top of my house work and get rid of stuff I don't need. I really need to spend some time cleaning out cupboards and closets. Then, I want to be a more obedient servant in regards to my finances (details in another post since that's kind of how I started blogging). I need to get to the eye doctor and go see my "girl" doctor since it's been about 5 years since I've seen either one. Don't yell at me!

The internal resolutions are more abstract and deeper. They involve character and faith, obedience and choices. I read a tiny, little, 135 page book during our time in Arizona after Christmas. It's called, My Glimpse of Eternity, by Betty Malz. I saw it in the grocery store by the pharmacy and thought it looked interesting. In 1959, this woman was dead for 28 minutes. The book is her experience leading up to, during and after her experience on "the other side." Fascinating. She was raised a Christian, but didn't really know Jesus until after her experience. She could actually remember things she heard while in surgery and while she was unconscious lying in the hospital and she could remember what happened when she died. The things God showed her during that time greatly affected her. My reading about them, greatly affected me and my resolutions for 2010. Then, last night we went to see The Blindside. It was so good and it's message was just what I needed on the first day of the year. Give more, take less.

Bottom line: relationships. Period. I could go on and on about the things that really don't matter in the grand scheme of things, but that's where the rubber hits the road. People matter. Things don't. Our feelings of pride, condemnation, anger, frustration, and selfishness don't matter. This year, I will try to do better about those things. I like to do the right thing, but my thoughts are not always right or even nice.

I'm going to pray for help, because I'm sure I can't do it alone. When I feel overwhelmed, I'm going to ask God for help. And the things that are out of my ability to change, I'm going to wrap up in a nice package and give to God. Knowing how dependent on God I need to be, will help me be those synonyms for resolution. I know I can't be all of those words, but He is and always will be. Interesting that relying on something else can give you the strength and stamina to withstand and endure.

My biggest internal resolution is to rely on God more. If you look at #4 on the definition list, it states that resolutions, in a way, can be the end, solution, answer, settlement of an issue. I believe this is my #4. My answer and my solution. Not necessarily my end, but an end in trying to do it all myself. How exhausting is that? So exhausting that I'm making a choice to rely on God. Some things are just too big to take on alone, for me this year, it's LIFE. Too big to do alone. Something tells me, life will work out more smoothly if I follow Him. He will help me stack my rocks so they stay balanced. Big plan, huge resolution. I'm aiming HIGH.

Wishing you a joyful, healthy, deep thinking, life altering new year!

Basically Stacked Rocks - Rock!

2009-12-19T15:20:00.000-08:00

I have a new picture of stacked rocks for my blog! Brian was in San Diego over Thanksgiving and he saw this stack and said it reminded him of me. The old picture was just one I found online when looking for what I thought would symbolize my Basically Balanced title. I liked the stack of rocks. Like my life - things always stacking up on top of each other. But the rocks need to be stacked in a certain way to stay balanced and not topple over. I thought it was amazing that I've only had my blog for a few months and yet to Brian, he thought of me when he saw those rocks. Branding at it's best. Thank you my dear, sweet Brian for my new picture. I love that it's not some random photo, but that you were the photographer. More meaningful, was that you took the time to take it and then let me use it. ydsdylsmbsblap

FIVE

2009-12-19T14:44:00.000-08:00

It crept up behind me like my husband sneaking up on one of the boys to scare them. It's the 19th again. That month went really, really fast. Probably because we crammed something into practically every minute we were awake! Doesn't Thanksgiving seem so long ago? It does to me.

So here I am, getting my Christmas cards ready to send and wrapping gifts. I can listen to Christmas music. It's actually quite comforting. Except, I'll Be Home For Christmas, that one makes me sad. Years ago, we went to Colorado for my cousin Joyce's wedding. It was beautiful. On that trip, her mother in law, Peg told us how that song makes her cry every time she hears it. Being the sympathetic crowd, we made fun of her. Nice, huh? Now I'm right there with her, getting all misty every time I hear it. Thanks Peg... love you!

I'm also having a hard time hearing Bing Crosby. So far, I have successfully avoided Bing. Sorry man. You are great, but so a part of my childhood. Maybe next year.

My dad loved Christmas time. Here are some of the things I will miss about my dad this Christmas...

Watching him walk into my house. The way he would stand in the middle of my already small kitchen, while I'm trying to get dinner on the table. The way he would get into the desserts and take "just a bite" before dinner. His joyful exclamation when opening presents. He would get equally excited about power tools, t-shirts and stupid white elephant gifts. Him asking me for "chips or something" about 30 seconds after he walked in my house. My mom and him coming over in their pajamas in the morning to witness Christmas morning with their grandchildren. Watching him watch the boys.

I'll be missing my mom too. Yes, she's still here, but not fully participating in Christmas this year. Understandable. She'll come over, but will most likely need some sort of numbing medication to get through the day and as a result, we lose part of her too.

This year will be different, but in less than a week, it will be over and we can get on with the task of finding the new normal. We seem to be in a constant state of finding our new normal. Maybe that's just called LIFE. Ever changing and requiring constant adjustments on our part.

My dad is home for Christmas, just not my home.

Thanks

2009-11-25T09:48:00.000-08:00

It's time... I must leave my happy state of denial. Thanksgiving is tomorrow and there is no way to stop it from coming.

===>This is me swiftly moving to accept reality.===>

Phew... OK - now that that's done; I think I'm going to try to enjoy the holidays. Yes, there is an underlying sadness and I miss my dad. But I need to focus on those who are still here. This would make my dad happier than me being a big, slobbery mess through the entire holiday season. Who could have known a year ago, that it would be my dad's last year for Thanksgiving or Christmas? Not me, that's for sure! Who knows what this next year will bring? Not me and I don't even want to try to guess. What I do know is that I'm blessed with family members who are still here with me and I want them to know how much they mean to me. I want their holidays to be enjoyable and memorable. I want to marinate them in love.

There is, of course, a list of things to get done before the 'big dinner.' Only this year, our dinner isn't so big. Just the 4 of us and the 3 grandparents - my mom and Greg's parents. Dinner for 7... I do that all the time, no problem. Add to that, the fact that my sweet friend, Marie Callender is doing all the hard work and I'm not stressed about Thanksgiving at all. In fact, I'm looking forward to it. (I'm doing pretty good, huh?)

We have our family traditions. They involve food - seriously... doesn't everything?? I absolutely must have Brown n Serve Rolls preferably Van de Kamps. You know the ones, they come stuck together and you put them on a cookie sheet to bake them. The bottoms get a little browner than the rest and they are 'the bomb' with a smidge of real butter melted on them. My mouth is watering... mmmmmmmmmmmm.

The second thing that is a MUST for our feast is my mom's secret recipe creamed spinach. She has been making it as long as I can remember. It's a bit difficult to prepare, but I don't think she'll mind if I share the recipe with you. I am, however trusting you not to email it to everyone of your friends. They might not be able to handle the complexity of the skills required to make it properly. Ready? Green Giant frozen creamed spinach. Here's the complex part: Remove frozen creamed spinach from plastic wrapper and place in a microwavable dish. Cover and follow time instructions on the box. That's it! Wipe your brow now, because you know that was stuff only the pros get to do! Move over Rachel Ray... there's a new chef in town!

It is supposed to be a beautiful 85 degrees tomorrow. Hmmmmm, I could be upset over it being hot on Thanksgiving, or I can embrace it! Get a pedicure friends, we're wearing flip-flops tomorrow! Clean the patio furniture so we can sit outside and think of the people who are digging their way out of snow to get to their Thanksgiving feast. Heck, we might even break out the croquet (one of our non-food holiday traditions)!

We will have our feast, and we will be thankful. There is so much to be thankful for; family, friends, God's provision, our health, our homes, the list goes on and on... I'm filling my glass at least half full today and I will keep refilling it so it never appears to be half empty. I know I will have moments, but if I truly look at all I have to be thankful for, I will get through those moments and outweigh the sadness with blessings.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Angels and Demons

2009-11-20T09:04:00.001-08:00

I know.... it's been done already. That very successful book by Dan Brown. I'm just going to borrow it for a bit. Sorry Dan, where ever you are.

Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching and as much as I'd like to stay in my sweet state of denial, it's coming... quickly... in less than a week! Holy cow! Where did August - October go? After many discussions with friends, I know I'm not alone in this.

Time seems to be flying more and more rapidly. Every time I turn around, another week has transpired. Through the crazy busyness of life, it's hard to truly experience every minute of time. We're on auto-pilot. We are caught up in getting the list of things to do done. The list that is never ending. We cross one thing off and add two. Life is too busy - Demon.

I am my own worst enemy. The thoughts that run through my head are far worse than any person has ever said to me. (Well there is one person, but that is another story.) Whispers of, you can't do this, this doesn't matter, you are alone, you'll never lose the weight, you'll never get out of debt, God isn't real, you don't matter, why do you bother... all of them - Demons.

There is a possibility that these are just my thoughts. My own insecurities. My own hormone imbalance running a muck in my mind. But deep down, I know it's really spiritual warfare. I have taken a very real stand in my faith and this isn't pleasing to the demons.

These negative thoughts are evil and can destroy my spirit instantly. Why do I listen? Where is my armor of God? Ephesians 6:11 says "Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes." I think my armor has holes in it. Sometimes the demons win and I buy in to their evil schemes. Time to have my armor fixed. How do I fix it?

Prayer. Prayer for protection. Prayer for my family, friends, situations, help, comfort, peace. I get out my scripture and wrap a verse around the hole in my armor. This will help protect me. - Angels.

There are angels among us, among me. They are my friends. The ones I call when I have a crisis, when I want to have a chat and a cup of coffee, when I want to laugh and just be a girl. Friends - Angels.

I call my mom, my cousins, my extended family, my husband or my kids. Family - Angels.

Being surrounded by Angels keeps me protected. My armor is full when I'm in their presence and my heart is happy and thankful.

In being thankful my focus is how God has blessed me. The good things and there are so many... too many to count. Life can be hard. There is evil in the world, but the Good outweighs it every time.

It's almost Thanksgiving... Focus on the good, the blessings, the things you treasure. Make a list. Send a card. Encourage someone. Take the time to be a blessing. You will be blessed.

I'm thankful for you, who ever you are. I have no idea how many people actually read this blog, but for those of you who do, thank you! Thank you to those who have encouraged me to keep writing. I'm feeling as if this is what I was born to do. Silly as that sounds, I can express who I am here. This blog has been the best free therapy for me! And so - my blog - Basically Balanced - Angel.

FOUR

2009-11-19T14:09:00.000-08:00

It will go down as one of the most painful days of my life. So surreal, and gut wrenchingly traumatic. Four months ago, my dad's spirit left his earthly body and he went home to live with our Lord and Savior, Jesus. My heart broke and a piece of it went with him, leaving me forever. I have thought of that moment several times a day, every day, since it happened and I still can't wrap my brain around the idea that my dad is gone. But slowly, the dose of anesthetic God gave me is wearing off and reality is setting in. Denial has been a nice place to be, but it seems I can't stay there forever and it's time to move on. My destination - acceptance. Or so they say. I'm not sure if the whole "stages" thing applies when you've lost a parent. All I know is there is a process I'm going through. Whether or not it's the same as everyone else who has lost a parent is not important. Whatever it is, it's my process.

Intellectually, I know he's gone and with my faith, I do believe he's in a better place. There are days I'm envious, days when I'm bogged down with earthly woes and I picture him dancing on streets of gold. I imagine he can see us, and knows what we are doing. All of this is, of course, my way of dealing with his absence. Despite the fact that my intellect knows he's gone, my heart has not caught up. It's still in... huh?? what?? my dad died?? really?

I miss him. This leads to sadness, which I feel slowly surfacing more and more, no matter how hard I try to keep it buried. It's coming up and I'm not happy about it. My hormones are no help in this regard.

I came to a decision; on the 19th of every month, I'm going to write about my dad. Perhaps as time goes on, I'll be able to look back at previous posts and see my progress. I'm thinking an update on my mom and something about my dad. A story or maybe something I miss about him, maybe both. I'm really just thinking on the keyboard right now... can you tell?

My dad LOVED to dance. It wasn't fair that he had so many problems with his feet, because if the opportunity presented itself, he was always up for a spin on the dance floor. Before I got married (the first and unfortunate time) my dad taught me how to swing dance. He was a great partner. So strong and sure of where he wanted me to go. He lit up when he danced, which was contagious. I definitely inherited my dad's love of dancing although I don't have the chance to take advantage of this very often. I love dancing and loved dancing with my dad. The last time I danced with him was at Brian and Brittney's wedding reception. We did a swing - priceless. I know he was in pain at the time. His feet were killing him, but his smile showed me that the joy he got from dancing outweighed his pain.

We have old pictures of my dad dancing, competitively when he was in his 20's. Before the feet started to give him trouble. When I look at those pictures, I see the same joy on his face that I saw 50 years later. He loved the show Dancing with the Stars. My mom and he would watch faithfully and weigh in on the dances. Now I go and watch with her. I know I can't replace my dad, but we have fun watching and doing our own commentary.

Four months, roughly 120 days. I hope he is dancing in heaven and I hope he knows how much we miss him.

Comfort in the Mundane

2009-11-14T11:24:00.000-08:00

She hears the faint sound of bells. It sounds like a church. In the groggy state between sleep and awake, she realizes it's her alarm. The church bells are the only alarm that work on the alarm clock she inherited from her son. They are so annoying they can motivate even her, the one who loves her bed the most of all places, to rise and face the day.

First thought... must make sure Kyle is getting up. She groggily walks down the hall to find her 16 year old man-child sound asleep. A sweet snore comes from his direction. She prods him and tells him to get up... now! She waits until he moves and looks somewhat alive. When he finally sits on the edge of the bed she goes back to her end of the house. Makes the bed, gets her sweats on (because every day she plans on exercising and about 75% of the days the plan pans out), opens the curtains and checks the day. Sunny; of course it's sunny, it's southern California - almost always sunny.

She can hear Allie, her husband's dog wagging her tail, waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs. Allie says hi to her, but is really telling her that Greg - aka Allie's boyfriend is in the office working. She opens the blinds because she hates when her house is dark. Gives her husband a good morning hug (first smile of the day) and catches her first whiff of coffee (insert second smile here).

Her organization the night before has paid off. The coffee is brewing, the boys' lunches are made and on the counter. Her frozen oatmeal has thawed and is waiting to be nuked for consumption. She is thankful that the boys are big enough to make their own breakfast. Her oatmeal prepared, coffee poured and she heads to "her spot" on the couch. She turns on Good Morning America and finds out from the weather man what the weather will be this day. This is paramount in her existence... knowing the weather and the temperature. Coffee, oatmeal, her spot, her husband diligently working just 10 feet away and the degrees, Kyle is on his way to school on his bike and she thinks she saw Jason come downstairs to start his day. It's official, the day has begun.

There are things to do and so she makes a list. She is a list person. It helps keep her organized and on task, otherwise the ADD would kick in and she would sit all day at the computer playing Spider Solitaire - 4 suit of course or maybe catching up with friends on Facebook or reading and replying to emails. Where was I?... oh yeah, list... she make her list (see what I mean about the ADD??) and checks it twice, just like Santa. Laundry, clean upstairs, grocery shopping, oh and (fill in the blank)'s birthday is coming - need a gift. Frame new pictures of the grandboys. Makes a grocery list and a list of people she needs to call or email. Add homework for bible study to the list. She does the breakfast dishes and cleans the kitchen and thinks - If I had a dollar for every time I've cleaned the kitchen, I'd be a rich woman!

Does her daily devotional, prays for her family and friends, then heads to the garage to get on the treadmill with her iPod plugged into her ears, she walks/runs/walks/sweats/gasps for air/runs/walks until the torture is over. Her legs feel like limp noodles and there is something resembling a waterfall running off her head. Success. She knows that without this free therapy she would most definitely be a candidate for the next season of The Biggest Loser or some maniac on Wife Swap.

Shower, get ready with war paint, I mean make up to try to hide the evidence of being in her late 40's. Then she's on her bike riding around the block to the elementary school where she works for a whopping 1.5 hours a day as a noon supervisor. It's not exactly the dream career she pictured for herself as a young girl, but it fits nicely with where she is in her life. She gets her daily hugs from some of the students who have grown to admire her and she blows her whistle and yells, "Walk... don't run!" about a million times in an hour. She makes an effort to talk to the kids who don't seem to have any friends there. They need at least one kind interaction in their day. After work, she tackles the list.

And so is a day in my life. My day, days, weeks, months, years, life. My routine, structure, methodical, and somewhat organized life. Sounds kind of boring and mundane, right? Well, some days, yes it is those things, but really; without that mundaneness, I am out of sync.

In the movie, The Bridges of Madison County, after making a life altering and painful choice the main character, Francesca, says, "I find comfort in the mundane." That line has always stuck with me. After a traumatic experience or just dealing with the crises of any given day in our house, the mundane is what holds me together. It makes me feel normal in a time when I have no control over the chaos that surrounds me. Folding clothes, vacuuming and grocery shopping have become so a part of who I am. Those are my natural states of being. And so, in doing these things I feel like the cogs of my clock are perfectly adjusted. Moving effortlessly in sync with each other to keep the hands of time rotating. There is no glamor, nothing out of the ordinary, it is the ordinary that keeps me on an even keel. This is where I find my balance.

Good Grief

2009-11-12T08:59:00.001-08:00

In the old Peanuts cartoons, Charlie Brown would say it, "Good Grief!" when he was exasperated by something or someone. But can grief be good?

Its very definition is this: sorrow, misery, sadness, anguish, pain, distress, heartache, heartbreak, agony, torment, affliction, suffering, woe, desolation, dejection, despair; mourning, mournfulness, bereavement.

Or you have the more informal definition of: trouble, annoyance, bother, irritation, vexation, harassment; informal aggravation, hassle.

None of those are good, not one and over the past few months, I think I've experienced most. This isn't - woe is me, look how sad I am. This is just a fact. My job now is to look for the good in the grief. Is that even possible?

I get asked almost every day, "How is your mom doing?" Well, she is grief stricken, that's how she is doing. She is trying to adjust to living without her husband of 49 years. There are days, I call her and she can't stop crying. She has a hole in her heart. A big one. My heart breaks for her when she is like that, but there is nothing I can do, but try to talk her through it. When we have those talks, we always come out on the other side.

This just happened a few days ago. I called and it was a bad day. She was missing him so much. We talked for a long time. During our conversation she said that after she has a time like this, she feels so much better. I think it's part of the process. I think she has to get all of that sadness out of her system. A good cry can be very cleansing. We feel drained when we're finished, but in a good way. Like after exercising and having a good sweat. So maybe, the grieving - really grieving - helps us work out of the tunnel. Like every time she has a good cry, she moves along in the process. Good grief.

I don't think she will ever get over my dad dying. Ever. I told her it's like learning to live with some chronic illness. You can't cure it. You just have to learn to live with it, cope with it and make the best of it with the tools you have at your disposal.

I still think she's doing much better than I thought she would. Had my mom died first, my dad would be gone already. But she is strong and has an amazing faith in God. My mom amazes me. She gets up every day. She goes out with her friends and hangs out with me and my family. She goes out and runs errands and takes the dog for a walk. She laughs and has good times, despite the fact that she is in a place she didn't imagine being in until many, many more years down the road. She can still find joy in her life.

The grief isn't easy, but it's unavoidable. We can't go around it. We have to go through it until we the new normal just becomes normal. Someday, I think I'm going to have to deal with my own process. Reality is starting to sink in and truthfully, denial is a much nicer place to be. So much easier. For now, I have to focus on helping my mom.

Thank a Vet

2009-11-11T07:58:00.000-08:00

It is Veteran's Day. The day to pay homage to the men and women who have served to preserve our freedom. I'm thankful for their service and the sacrifices they make and pray for God to bless them richly.

The stress and worry we endured during the 9 months Mike was in Iraq took it's toll on us. Spending every day on bended knee, praying for his safety and that we would be able to see him again. Worrying about the last time he ate, slept or took a bath and I don't even want to go to the place of thinking of someone shooting at him with very real, very live ammunition that could end his days on Earth.

The day he came home we all went to John Wayne airport with our signs saying, "Welcome Home Mikey!!" Seeing him come down that escalator is an image I will never forget. He was only 19 years old and there he was... a war Veteran. Seeing him meet his 8 month old son for the first time brought a combination of joy and hurt for the time he missed with Bradley. The gratitude in my heart for being able to hug him was overwhelming. So very grateful he was okay, or at least he was here and out of harm's way.

We are one of the lucky families. Our boy came home and has gone on to live his life as a civilian. Not all families are lucky. Their loved ones paid the ultimate sacrifice. They didn't get to go to any airport or get anymore hugs. I can't imagine.

Every day, but today especially, we should all focus on the freedom we have here. We're free to write, read, learn, worship, protest, speak, work, live within the laws of our nation because someone signed on the dotted line and gave their time, blood, sweat, tears, emotional stability, physical wholeness and some even their lives. All so we can be free.

With Thanksgiving around the corner, we start to think about the things for which we are thankful. That should be easy today. Go thank a Vet!!

Pressure

2009-10-22T09:51:00.000-07:00

Pressure. Can be a good thing and a bad thing. The right amount of pressure can be a relaxing massage, but too much and ouch! It hurts. Or take a sunflower seed. My kids love them!! The right amount of pressure and you get a nice little, tasty seed. Too much and it's just a mashed up, inedible/seed combination that cuts your throat open.

What about pressure we feel in our lives? How does that work? Where do we feel it? I've been thinking about this lately. Because there are days I feel like the taffy in the taffy pull. Being stretched and pulled in a hundred different directions. But apparently, at the end of the pulling and stretching the taffy is a tasty treat, ready for consumption.

So, could all these things pulling at me actually be good for me? Can they be helping me stretch and get outside of myself and my selfish attitude? Not that I want to be consumed at the end of it all, but could it be that God is preparing me... getting me ready... building my character? Could it be that I must have times like this so I appreciate the days when I have time to breathe?

I know... so many questions!!!

Sometimes I perform best under pressure. You know, company is coming and oh my goodness, is that dog hair on the floor or did we get a new rug? I can clean my downstairs (LOVE having a 2 story house) in about an hour and a half. Not extremely well, but good enough to appear to be clean for company... especially my in-laws. But, why do I procrastinate to the point that I'm rushing around like a maniac to get stuff done? I don't know why, but if I do, I can get stuff done fast! My family doesn't like it because it's like I get possessed by some crazy cleaning demon. But they have learned to get out of my way during the demonic possession and in the end, they get the benefit of having a clean and tidy house. Well, at least downstairs.

I think pressure manifests itself in our bodies. It must attack the Central Nervous System or something. We try to find ways to cope with it. I see it every day in Greg (he has been so stressed) and have experienced it for myself. I personally am an emotional eater. There... I said it. Hi. My name is Carol. I'm a food-aholic. All together now.... "Hi Carol!"

Since my dad died in July, I've eaten myself almost out of the clothes in my closet. Depressing. What do I do when I'm depressed? EAT!!! Shoot! Which in turn results in a different kind of pressure. The kind when my clothes don't fit. But that is another story... or blog.

For the past 3 days, I have been on a quest to try to feel better and less stressed. I have been feeling sluggish and having lots of issues with sleep and headaches. Most likely a result of my poor eating habits, lack of exercise and sleep. So I had a little pep talk with myself and my maker. He told me I had to take better care of His creation. Wow, that's convicting. Here He took the time to make me and give me life and here I am, taking it all for granted.

The first 2 days are the hardest, then the patterns start to reform and I'm back on track. Oh... I know what to do and how to do it. It's just a matter of actually doing it! Remarkably, after eating real, whole, clean food, exercising, sleeping and much praying I'm feeling like a new woman. After only 2 days. I feel less stressed and less depressed. I'm amazed.

The days of being the taffy are far from over, but if I get my priorities in order and take care of myself, the taffy will be much sweeter when it's finished. And maybe, just maybe I might be a kinder, gentler soul to be around.

G.O.O.D. (Getting Out Of Debt) Update

2009-10-17T17:04:00.000-07:00

You may be wondering how the whole financial situation is going.

Well, so far, pretty good. I did break down and bought a dress for a wedding we attended 2 weeks ago. Definitely not a need. However, the day of the wedding I woke up in a panic about not having the right thing to wear. Why do we do that? There were options in my closet. They either didn't fit (don't want to talk about that!!) or they weren't right for the occasion. I know, who really cares what I wore? That day... I did! The $25.00 I spent on the dress was worth the relief to have it. Other than that, the microwave broke, my car battery died and Jason needed long pants and warm shirts because we had about 8 days of cooler weather and he had grown out of everything from last year. Just all those little things that come up. Some we expect (Jason's clothes) and other we don't (microwave and battery). We've stuck to our guns and not used our credit cards. Yay for that! The balances are actually going down.

When I was looking for a dress I realized it is my responsibility to keep my family on track. Greg makes the money and it is and always has been my job to distribute it. Greg and the boys don't shop much... they are boys. I do the grocery shopping and get the stuff we need. I'm the one out there on a regular basis. When Greg wants to shop, it's for something BIG... a car, boat, home remodeling stuff, etc... Being aware of our situation, he knows these options are off the table for a time. I am the one who needs to change my habits when I'm out shopping. Not them. Not easy, but doable.

Last Friday Greg came home looking as if someone had just stolen his last Reese's peanut butter cup. Pretty sad. I'm concerned with the amount of pressure our situation puts on him along with pressure from so many other sources (that's another post!). He then informs me of the conference call in his company that took place that day. All employees will be taking a "temporary" pay cut. Based on income, there are different percentages. Salaried employees (him) take 10%. This is a big hit for us and we know that the temporary part is probably going to become permanent at some point. Just a hunch and better to not expect it to turn around any time soon.

I had a feeling the economy would catch up to us. We had been flying under the radar for a long time, hearing of family and friends all being effected by the sorry state of the economy. It was just a matter of time. The time was last Friday.

Upon hearing the news, I knew I needed to set my husband's burden at ease. After 20 years, you know these things. Sat down at my trusty 10 key and made a budget based on the cut in pay. We will survive. I'm thankful we had already begun cutting our spending. Like we got a "heads up" from God.

The good news... Greg changed positions in his company about 8 months ago which affords him the opportunity to earn more money than his previous position. With the pay cut, his earnings won't change all that much from last year. I know, I'm a "glass half full" kind of girl. I have to look at the positive side of everything. Otherwise you would find me in a corner of my house eating my way through gallons of ice cream. Which would lead to an endless cycle of needing to buy bigger and bigger clothes! Not pretty.

If I continue blogging, I will be updating this issue for years. Hopefully, it won't get boring and hopefully someone else will be able to take something away from my financial juggling act.

Gifts

2009-10-17T16:36:00.000-07:00

On the day my dad died, one of my best friends, Joy was on vacation. She was in touch while she was gone but the day she returned she sent me an email which included this:

Hello my friend. I'm back in Placentia. When can I see you? What can I do?
Can I .....
Feed your family?
Take care of your kids?
Walk your dog?
Walk with you?
Do your washing?
Clean your house?
Bring you a coffee?
Brush your hair?
Take you to a movie?
Pinch Frank? (my brother... long story)
Give you a big hug????

Her email made me smile and I was/am so thankful to have my wonderful friends. Notice... her list didn't include anything about buying me anything. Yet, her entire list were gifts she could give to me. She wanted to do something for me not buy something for me. She actually ended up sending her housekeeper to my house while she was gone. That was an amazing gift!!

Today, my mother in law came home from the hospital after having surgery. Her daughter and I spent the morning cleaning my in-laws' house. It gave me joy to give her the gift of coming home to a clean house. (I wish I was equally as motivated to give myself that gift!) A clean house is important to her and I knew she would rest easier knowing it was clean.

In these tough economic times I think it's good to evaluate the concept of the giving of gifts. Our society has turned this into the idea that only gifts from a store have any value. I think Christmas is the most glaringly obvious evidence. I hate how it has become a retail holiday, not the celebration of our Savior's birth. Christmas shopping is right up there with plumbing problems for me!

So, along with our moratorium on spending, we have decided to give different types of gifts this Christmas. We want to create memories, not clutter. Greg and I have been discussing options for gifts that don't include shopping and have some great ideas. We've already had so much fun talking about it. So much more than, "Oh, I got your dad a sweater and your mom some pajamas." Those things are nice, but I have no passion for purchasing or giving them.

Think back to some of the most meaningful gifts you have been given. For me, they are not expensive, but sentimental. Some of my most cherished possessions are lumps of clay my kids molded into beautiful (in the eye of this beholder) pottery or pressed their tiny little hand prints in. I love hand made, home made gifts. Or gifts that took thought and creativity. For my birthday this year, Greg gave me 8 envelopes that I had to open as he instructed me to over the course of 2 days. It was so much fun!

As the "Most Wonderful Time of the Year" approaches... what gifts will you give?

Rain, Oatmeal and Soup

2009-10-12T09:40:00.000-07:00

The weather has changed and it seems fall has taken it's rightful place in the forecast. I swapped my flip-flops for fuzzy clogs and have considered pulling my Uggs out of the box. I am without a doubt environmentally driven. My hyper-attention to the weather and temperature is something my family has learned to accept and they love me despite my obsession. Over 81 degrees (we really need a degrees symbol on our keyboard!) is hot and under 70 degrees is chilly. That's an 11 degree spectrum of comfort. I would rather be cold than hot because I prefer to wear more clothes at this stage of my life. Hot is okay if there is a lake or pool to cool off in, but again, this requires less clothing. Scary for me.

There is rain in the forecast today. I can't remember the last time it rained. I love the rain. I even love going out in it. When I was in high school, my friends and I would walk on the pier in Huntington Beach in the rain and puddle stomp. Great fun, treasured memories. I love that the rain waters my yard and I don't have to. I love how the air smells fresh after the rain. It doesn't matter if I'm inside or out... I love the rain. Enough about that.

Knowing there is a possibility of rain makes me want to make soup. I love soup. My dad loved soup. Having things in common with my dad is even more important to me now that he is gone. He always put Tabasco in his soup... me too. So, this morning I made my grocery list and on it, the ingredients I need to make a pot of soup. I'm sure Greg already knows what will be waiting for him when he gets home from work today. He will know when he gets out of his car and the sweet aroma of my pot of soup hits his nose. He always tells me, "I could smell that outside!" When my kids are sick, they ask for soup. I'm not sure why, but this brings me joy.

There must be something in me that is comforted by standing over a pot of something on the stove. I love to cook when it's cold outside. I made a huge pot of oatmeal this morning that I will freeze in individual servings. That way, for the next few weeks, we can have easy access steel cut oats. Comfort in a bowl. A warm way to start my day.

I am thankful for the cool air and have vowed not to complain of being cold. It was so hot in September and I prayed for the crisp autumn air. Not sure if God needs to hear prayers about the weather when there are so many other things to talk to Him about, but when it's hot enough, I think He understands. It's cooler and complaining would sound as if I'm ungrateful for getting my way. So thank you God for the rain, oatmeal and soup.

52 Hours

2009-09-29T15:19:00.000-07:00

Friday:
5:00 pm: Placentia, CA, Pull out of the driveway in my Dad's Expedition. Greg, me, Kyle (16), Jason (13), Dylan (14), Dominic (13), Nick (13) and our 11 year old dog, Allie. Roof carrier secure and packed with board shorts, t-shirts, boxer shorts, flip flops, sleeping bags, and Lord willing... deodorant. We have a cooler full of water and 2 grocery bags full of snacks. I make a mental note: the next time we take a bunch of boys on a road trip right after school when the temperature hits 99, have them shower before we leave. There would be no recirculating that air for 5 hours! Yucky.

5:15 pm: Brea, CA, The bag of snacks is being raided by the hungry, stinky boys. I'm not kidding we were on the 57 freeway at Imperial Hwy, not 5 miles from home!

7:00 pm: Banning, CA, Exit Interstate 10. Destination: McDonald's, where you can feed 7 people for under $30.00. Not good food, but sustenance good enough for teenage boys. They would probably eat anything as long as you fry it and put salt or sugar on it. The boys are considerate and order off the dollar menu... except one. He ordered 20 (yes 20!!) chicken nuggets AND fries. Nice. Now the aroma of the food mixes with the smell of the puberts and I think someone took their shoes off. Help!

9:15 pm: Vidal Junction, CA, It's getting quieter. I think I hear snoring... oh that's me. Praise Jesus for the escape of sleep!

10:20 pm: Lake Havasu City, AZ, Pull into the driveway of our vacation (not sure that's what I'd call this... ) home. Unpack the Expedition, more snacks are consumed and we go over some rules. Greg and I head to the grocery store for provisions. About 80% of the snacks actually made it to AZ.

11:45 pm: Greg and I come home from the store with what we are praying if enough food for the next 2 days. The boys are chatting in their room, Greg made them shower. I like that about him. We get to bed at about 1:00 am.

Saturday:
6:30 am: Greg wakes me up... I smell coffee. I have 2 thoughts; coffee and good. Not sure on the order of the thoughts. I get up make 13 sandwiches, wash grapes and fill a plastic 10 gallon box with snacks. Fill 7 reusable water bottles (yeah... I'm green) and fill our 2-1/2 gallon water jug with filtered water. In the mean time, Greg wakes the boys after he has uncovered the prepared the boat for our day. They eat a box of cereal and use 1/2 gallon of milk, and eat 1/2 of the pack of doughnut holes.

8:30 am: We are once again loaded in the Expedition (thanks dad for having that tow hitch on there!) and are headed to launch our vessel. We get to the marina and I'm ready to back up the boat (I chose the job on land, Greg drives the boat)... wait... Greg has his hand up in the "wait" signal. Then he gets off the boat and so do the boys. They get back in the car. He can't find the plug for the hull of the boat. It would sink without it... so we head back to the house to get it. Wait! There is a West Marine store right there. He goes in... $8.00. Awesome.

9:15 am - 5:00 pm: Launch the boat. Spend a few hours pulling boys on wake boards and knee boards, then head to one of our favorite spots. Friendly Island. The boys go off exploring. Kyle falls asleep and it's quiet. Ahhhhhhhhhh. Jason comes back with some war wounds, but Greg has him all bandaged up and in no time he's back with his fellow mountain men. That's what they were calling themselves. Yeah, squeaky, pubert, Mountain Men.

5:30 pm: Get off the lake, trailer the boat, back to the house. The tired is getting the best of us. 7 showers, 24 hot dogs, 2 cans of chili, 2 bags of salad all done in 2 hours.

8:30 pm: Can't find Greg... oh there he is, laying on the bed. "You're sleeping aren't you?" I ask. "No, just laying here." Uh huh... At 8:45 he says, "Now it's a respectable time to go to bed, right?" Party animal. The boys are playing hide and seek in the dark in their room. I don't care. As long as no one is bleeding, they're fine. They are big enough to dial 911 if there is an emergency.

9:00 pm: I'm in bed asleep.

Sunday:
6:30 am: Time to get up, I smell coffee and I'm thankful for my husband. Make lunch, get the boys up at 8:00... more cereal, pop tarts, doughnut holes. Only the best nutritious food for these guys!

9:15 am - 2:30 pm (the plan was to get off the lake at 1:00, but we were having too much fun!): On the lake again. Today is inner tubing day. We play in Steamboat Cove for a couple of hours and then pull the boys, very fast on the tubes. I think Greg was trying to kill them. They had a ball.

4:45 pm: LHC, AZ, Expedition packed and house back in order, with practically no help from the 5 boys. Head west.

7:30 pm: Palm Dessert, CA: Destination McDonald's and again feed 7 for $26.00. Awesome.

9:30 pm: Placentia, CA: Pull into the driveway. Greg and I high five each other.

So how did we do with the finances? Great!! The only unexpected expenses were the plug for the boat and a tarp Greg needed when covering the boat. Other than that... came in under budget!!

As much as I sound like I'm complaining... I'm not. To be able to give my boys these experiences and include their friends are memories we all cherish already. Good, family times. This was the 2nd year for 2 of the friends and they are already talking about Havasu 2010. They are great kids and as long as they shower, I love them.

Target

2009-09-25T09:46:00.000-07:00

You knew this day would come.... I would have to write about Target.

Keeping in mind our moratorium on spending, I needed to go to Target to get some necessities. Yes, the list was all "needs." Toiletries, paper and cleaning products, and some grocery items. I called my mom and of course she needed to go too, so I picked her up and we were on our way.

"Just stick with the list and you'll be fine." This was my mantra walking into the store. Needs, not wants... "stick to the list... stick to the list..."

I get my cart and there is that little "Dollar" area, except now some of those items are $2.50. The next thing I know I'm standing in that area holding a sweet little satin purse. It was black, Asian type satin print with a cute little bamboo circle handle. Wow... $2.50 for this purse! It's so cute! I should get 10 of them and give them to all my friends. We'll all have matching purses. Then I caught myself. Shoot! Not 10 feet into the store. Old habits die hard. I put it down and looked at my list. "Stick to the list, Doe. You can do this!" Little pep talk. Okay... head on straight, blinders on, back to reality, go to the toiletry aisles. Focus, just focus.

I'm not sure what it is, but I call it the Target Trance. I walk in, my eyes glaze over and I become one of those creepy Stepford like women, walking up and down almost every aisle with a need to see it all. How do they do it? Is it all really marketing or are we conditioned to browse? Dollar area, movies, clothes, make up, housewares, office supplies, so many things to look at, but don't really need any of it.

I ended up with a cart full of list items and my total didn't send me to the ER, so first shopping experience at Target was a success. I stuck to the list and stuck to the budget. But it required a shift in thinking and a shift in actions.

We haven't exactly decided how long this experiment will last, but for this past week, all meals were made at home and most purchases were needs. Greg had ordered a golf bag a few months ago, from a customer who gave him a good deal (my husband always, "knows a guy"), so we had to pay for that and Greg bought popcorn from our Cub Scout neighbor. So far, so good. And honestly, it's amazing how our checking account balance has not diminished. Hmmmm... if you don't spend it, it's still in there!

Heading to Havasu with Kyle, Jason and 3 of Jason's friends this weekend to celebrate Jason's birthday, which was in August. This was the first weekend we could round up a few boys who could go. These boys can eat!! We budgeted for groceries and gas. Planning to get them dinner on the way tonight and take them out Saturday night for a reasonable Mexican dinner. Well within the budget. I just hope the 2 bags of snacks I got will last the 5 hour car ride!

Waste

2009-09-23T14:18:00.000-07:00

When I was in 6th or 7th grade I was at a slumber party at Lisa Saulson's house. There were 6 or so of us pre-pubert girls there to help her celebrate her birthday. In the morning we all made breakfast together. Yes, a group of 11-12 year old girls decided to cook together. Being a mom of boys, I know for a fact this idea must be based on estrogen levels. None of my boys and their friends have ever had such a notion.

Sorry... I'm "drifting." What my friend Becky calls senior moments. The pinball bouncing tangents of the mind.

Anyway.... us girls were cooking. I was in charge of scrambling eggs. So I cracked like 10 eggs in a skillet and started mixing them all up as they started cooking. I had helped make eggs at home and this is how my parents taught me to make scrambled eggs. Well, the birthday girl saw my method and came over to my skillet, took it from me and dumped all the eggs down the drain. She told me I had to mix the eggs in a bowl before I put them in a skillet. I was horrified. First of all, the eggs were turning out great. Second, she had just wasted 10 eggs!! That was my first experience with my Latent Depression Era Gene (LDEG). Somehow, through the generations, I have the need to keep things. Because you never know if you might need them. My dad kept stuff "for certain things," he couldn't part with anything. I don't think he ever realized it was his LDEG.

Carrying the LDEG doesn't mean you have to live like those people on the show "Hoarders." You should watch it at least one time. Horrifying to not be able to part with anything and end up living in 4 square feet of your home because the rest is filled with junk. Recognition of carrying the gene is key. I know I have it, my dad didn't know he had it.

But being a carrier allows you to notice the waste that happens every day. The old phrase, "waste not, want not" comes to mind several times a day for me. Not to the point that I rinse out and save ziplock bags or save margarine containers to use for leftovers, but I think about it. How many times do we print something from a computer, and that last page has 1/2 inch of nonsense on it. What do we do with that paper? Toss it. Waste. I know, maybe not normal, but that's how I see it.

Working as a noon supervisor at an elementary school is a glaring indication of where our society stands in regards to waste. Those kids throw away everything. We could feed a third world country with the food they toss in the trash every day. And that is only one school. It comes from living with abundance. There is always more food. Why save it? My parents will just get more at the store and the stores will always have it. Not true every where. Even more disturbing are the kids who get free lunch provided by the school district. (You do realize, those are our tax dollars and so we are providing the "free" lunches!! They are free to the recipients, not to us. grrrrrr) But what can I do to stop it? We have evolved to this point. Part of me wants to start a revolution and part of me just wants to take a nap. It is convenient when we become desensitized to it, isn't it? But I'm not there yet. It breaks my heart.

I try to control my own home and not take for granted that there will always be more. My kids take home the parts of their lunch they don't eat. I also realize my kids throw stuff away all the time. When they start paying for it, they might not be so quick to chuck it.

So maybe today, you will notice the waste going on around you. Waste not, want not. Makes sense.

Debt

2009-09-21T09:01:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, I sat down to pay the bills. I do this every 2 weeks or so, because that is when Greg gets paid. I figure it's a good idea to pay the bills when we have money... just a thought. Since we've been talking about this moratorium on spending, I thought I should get a clear picture of just how yucky the situation really is. I knew it wasn't pretty. I knew it would probably give me more gray hair, which I had just covered up (yay for hair color!) last week.

This, by the way is so embarrassing and humiliating. I won't go into exact numbers in an effort to save what is left of my self esteem. Plus, my mother always told me not to discuss financial matters with people. These things are private... so here I am publicly writing about it. Sorry mom! So we will be speaking in general terms here.

We have house payments (2), car payment (1), boat payment (1) and credit card debt. The one I'm most concerned about right now is the last one. The one born of Satan.... the credit card debt, which never seems to go away. Maybe that's why they call it "revolving!" It just keeps coming back around with higher and higher balances. ugh!

I took out the statements and added it all up on my trusty ten key. Then, the grand finale, the push of the * for the total. Holy cow!!!!! I'm pretty sure I have a concussion from hitting the floor. (Note to self... Next time, higher quality padding under the carpet.) When I got back in my chair. I looked again to be sure I wasn't hallucinating. Nope, I was right. :(

Then I added the payments we make monthly and subtracted the finance charges to see how much we were actually reducing the debt every month. I know that was a lot of math words... read it again if you have to. Then I figured out how long it would take to pay it all off if we never added more to it. Almost 6 years. If we keep paying what we pay and don't charge another thing. Gasp. Gulp. Sigh. Tears.

So I sat with Greg, told him the news and after I revived him (just kidding), we took our credit cards out of our wallets and put them away. Far away. He kept one because he travels and doesn't have a debit card yet. We've only been married for 20 years. I'm working on getting him one.

Our new motto: If we can't afford to pay cash for it, we can't buy it! (this is gonna hurt)

The good news: Definitely validated the moratorium on spending. We still need to make a list (like Brittney said) of the boundaries. We have our health, family and friends and hopefully they won't abandon us after they become aware of our irresponsibility.

The bad news: I have to go now... gotta get a job.

Stuff

2009-09-20T21:38:00.000-07:00

Stuff. We all have it. Clothes, furniture, knickknacks, art, tools, old cans of paint and painting supplies, cooking stuff, cleaning stuff, scrap booking stuff, holiday decorations, craft stuff, sewing stuff, old appliances (some big, some small), old computers, photos, office supplies, gardening stuff, boogie boards, wake boards, skate boards, chalk boards, card board... we have bikes, video game systems and video games, cell phones, computers, iPods, Blackberry’s. TVs, dvd players, and some of us even still have a VCR. Oh and CDs... old record albums, cassette tapes, video tapes. We have linen for our bathrooms and bedrooms and kitchens. And shoes.... I have way too many shoes!! We have jewelry and precious family heirlooms and precious keepsakes our kids make at school. Framed photos of loved ones, candles, and remote controls. The list goes on and on...

So much stuff!

This stuff has been plaguing me for a couple of months. In July, my sweet daddy was diagnosed with liver cancer and died 9 days later. I miss him so much. Since his death, I’ve been at my mom’s house a lot. 49 years of marriage is a long time. A long time to accumulate a lot of stuff. Looking in the room where my dad kept his stuff, I had an epiphany: He doesn’t need any of this anymore. Whoa. This hit me in a big way. My dad was a pack rat and kept everything! But none of that stuff is good to him anymore.

About a month ago, my family had a garage sale. As we were sitting in the garage waiting for prospective customers, I looked at all that “stuff” on our driveway and it gave me an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy. I have not been a good steward with the blessings God has provided for me. I have debt and a lot of it and even after cleaning out closets for the garage sale, I have way too much stuff! I told my family, “We should have a one year moratorium on buying anything that is not a need.” Hmmmmmm... the wheels were turning.

So why? Why do we have our stuff? Do we need it? Do we want it? Is it causing us financial and emotional stress or bringing us joy?

For the past week, my family has been discussing doing a financial and psychological experiment. Can we really go a determined amount of time without buying anything but what we need? Jason (13) would like to try it for a week. (ha ha) Kyle (16) said he wants to try it, but the next day bought Rock Band 2 for Wii with money he had been saving. Greg, my husband would like to do it forever. I’m thinking some where between a week and forever.

We would, first and foremost, need to determine what a need is and budget for the extra expenses that come up in life, but not the things we just want. The goal now is to define the boundaries of the experiment.